


Best of Intentions

by dreamsofspike



Series: Best of Intentions Series [1]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-31
Updated: 2010-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-10 21:08:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something about Adam Lambert leaves Michael confused and conflicted, unsure of everything he's every thought he knew about himself. One night on tour, Adam is careless, and Michael has to get him out of a dangerous situation -- but it's a fateful decision that will leave them in a worse nightmare than he could have imagined, and change the course of both of their lives forever, as Michael finds himself crossing the line and committing the unthinkable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: rape/non-con, violence

It was just an ordinary show on an ordinary night toward the end of the tour, but it would prove to be a memorable night for all of them – and for some of them in more ways than one.

Adrenaline and emotion were running high after the finale performance, as usual. The Idols were scheduled to leave the city early the next morning, so the buses transported them swiftly back to their hotel; but none of them were ready to sleep yet. When Anoop suggested a trip to the hotel bar downstairs, most of the other guys readily agreed.

Michael was exhausted, but not ready to be alone in the quiet of his hotel room yet. He thought that the little excursion couldn’t be too bad – might even be relaxing.

_A drink or two in a quiet, mostly empty bar full of people from out of town – and therefore probably not even aware that we’re here, not interested in a close encounter with any of us – might be just the thing to wind down a little before going to bed._

At any rate, as the other guys seemed determined to slip past their security team rather than to ask them to accompany the group to the bar, Michael thought it was a good idea for someone to go along who wouldn’t be drinking much; and if that someone happened to be a good old Southern boy built like a linebacker, well – all the better.

Michael, Anoop, Matt, and Adam all gathered in Anoop’s room, plotting their route down the side stairs halfway down the hall and across the hotel lobby to the bar, so as best to not be noticed by their security team posted at the elevators. As they were discussing the best way to sneak out, Adam glanced around the room, then toward the door, a slight frown pursing his lips.

“Isn’t Kris going down with us?”

“Nah, his lady’s in town,” Matt smirked, nudging Adam in the ribs and waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I think he’s got better things to do tonight.”

Michael couldn’t help but notice that, despite the forced smile of false amusement he offered in response to Matt’s words, Adam seemed none too thrilled with that information. During the course of the tour, his crush had become more and more obvious, until Michael was pretty sure it was beyond the point of “crush” and into the realm of barely concealed obsession.

Adam bit his lower lip, glancing uncertainly toward the door.  “Should we maybe knock and – you know, see if they wanna come down with us?”

He seemed to be intentionally oblivious. Michael cringed with second-hand embarrassment as the others laughed at Adam’s attempt at innocence, when his motives were obviously anything but innocent.

“_Dude_!” Anoop replied, slapping a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Do you really think they’d wanna hang out in some random bar with _us_ when they haven’t seen each other in like – a _month_?”

“Yeah,” Matt agreed, his own assessment slightly more direct. “Pretty sure Kris is more than ready to get laid by now. Besides, he doesn’t drink, anyway. It’s just us, so let’s go.”

Adam was unusually subdued as they slipped down the hallway to the exit, and Michael was pretty sure it wasn’t just because they were trying not to get caught. His enthusiasm for the outing had clearly been dampened by the news of Kris’s visit from his wife. Michael frowned, troubled and torn. He felt a grudging sort of sympathy for Adam in his unrequited feelings – and yet, he almost felt guilty for that sympathy.

_Kris _should _be with Katy. She’s his_ wife. _I shouldn’t be feeling bad for Adam because he’s spending time with her…_

_And yet…_

Michael slowed his pace in order to fall into step with Adam, at the rear of the group, as they slipped into the stairwell and started down. By the time they reached the lobby, Michael and Adam were several yards behind the others, and Michael placed a comforting hand on Adam’s shoulder.

“It’ll be fine, man. Maybe you’ll meet someone down at the bar.”

Adam shrugged out from under Michael’s hand, not looking at him, his expression dark and stormy. “Maybe I will,” he replied, his tone taut with barely restrained resentment, carrying a subtle note of challenge, as he pointedly hurried his pace and left Michael far behind him.

Michael stood still for a moment, a little offended by Adam’s rejection of his gesture. He knew they weren’t exactly _close_; though all of the Idols were more or less comfortable with each other, Michael and Adam tended to gravitate toward different groups, and had never had more than very casual conversation. Michael had been stepping outside of his personal comfort zone to offer even that small gesture of sympathy.

And Adam apparently would have preferred that he stay in it.

Adam did indeed meet someone – several someones, in fact – at the bar.

The bar was more crowded than they had expected, the atmosphere louder and more exciting than they had been anticipating. As the others found a table where they could pass an hour or so laughing and talking about the events of the night, Adam headed for the bar by himself. His bad mood was obvious, and none of the others seemed inclined to approach him, so Michael finally steeled himself and crossed the room.

_I’ll put myself out there just _one last time… _and then it’s_ his _decision. If he wants to spend the night moping in a corner by himself, that’s up to him._

“Hey, man, why don’t you come over there and sit with us?” Michael suggested, nodding toward the table across the bar, though not venturing to touch Adam this time. “You’re lookin’ mighty lonely over here.”

Adam slowly turned to lean against the bar, pausing to take a dramatic, pointed sip of his drink before meeting Michael’s gaze with narrowed eyes over an arrogant smirk that was a far cry from his usual warm, engaging smile. Adam's piercing blue eyes were dark and smoldering with hurt and fury that was barely restrained, concealed beneath a veneer of smug confidence.

“Oh, just give me a minute, honey,” he retorted with a wink. “Trust me. I won’t be lonely for long.”

“Whatever, man,” Michael sighed, rolling his eyes and turning away before Adam could see the uncomfortable flush that warmed his face. “Just thought I’d ask.”

He returned to the table, feeling unsettled and vaguely unhappy. He didn’t know why it should bother him. It wasn’t as if he and Adam were even _friends_, really. If Adam had decided to spend the evening acting like a whiny little bitch, well – that was none of Michael’s concern. He should just relax and enjoy the company of his friends.

Somehow, however, Michael’s attention kept drifting back toward the bar – and just as Adam had said, within a matter of minutes, an attractive young man had joined him. Michael found himself increasingly distracted, preoccupied with watching the progress of Adam’s encounter with the stranger, out of the corner of his eye. He felt a strange, inexplicable sense of relief when Adam accepted a single drink from the young man – in addition to the one he’d already paid for himself – but then politely sent him on his way.

_Waiting for a better offer, probably_, Michael surmised. _And he’ll probably get one, with this crowd…_

Adam was nursing his third drink when another man approached him, somewhat larger and visibly more confident than the first guy, a little shorter than Adam but more powerfully built. He wasted no time on introductions, sidling in between the bar stools, then between Adam’s parted legs to whisper into his ear with a suggestive smirk.

Adam withdrew, a single brow raised dubiously over a smirk, shaking his head. The stranger laughed, backing off enough to slide onto the bar stool next to Adam’s, yet still near enough that his knee brushed against Adam’s as he idly turned the stool back and forth. Michael tried not to wonder what he was saying, tried not to wish that he was sitting close enough to overhear, as Adam finally graced the young man with a more genuine smile, seeming to accept his presence.

An hour later, the other Idols were ready to head back up to their rooms – and Adam was still sitting at the bar with his new friend.

From what Michael could tell, he was nearing the bottom of his fifth drink.

“You coming, Mike?” Matt’s voice caught his attention, and Michael looked up at him from his seat, to see that the others were already headed toward the door.

“I’ll be up in a little while,” Michael replied with a casual shrug. “Think I’ll hang around here a little while longer.”

Matt’s knowing gaze followed Michael’s to Adam at the bar, just as Adam let out a loud laugh, leaning clumsily forward to rest his head on the stranger’s shoulder for a moment, then struggling to sit up straight again. Matt smirked, meeting Michael’s eyes and nodding his approval.

“Someone’s gotta make sure he doesn’t get in too much trouble,” he agreed with a weary yawn. “Better you than me, man. See you in the morning.”

“Night.” Michael called distractedly after Matt, already watching Adam again.

Michael’s second drink was still half full, and he sipped it idly, feeling an uncomfortable rush of unbidden hostility toward Adam’s companion, as the young man slid off his stool and closer to Adam again, running one hand under the edge of Adam’s t-shirt, the other resting on the back of his neck as he whispered in Adam’s ear again – and this time, Adam offered no resistance, his head lolling forward to rest against the man’s shoulder.

Michael frowned as the stranger stood up straight, wrapping a firm, supportive arm around Adam’s waist and pulling him to his feet. Adam’s eyes were half-closed, and he stumbled as the other man guided him away from the bar and toward the door. Something about the way Adam’s arm hung slack around the shoulders of the smaller man – the way his steps dragged and his head lolled weakly forward – set off warning bells in Michael’s mind. As Adam’s companion half-carried him toward the door, Michael’s eyes settled on Adam’s empty glass, and his eyes widened with the alarm of sudden understanding.

_I’ve seen Adam drink more than that and be fine. He might get a little sloshed, but he wouldn’t be _unconscious _after a few drinks. That sick little pervert must have_ drugged _him!_

Michael rose from his seat and moved swiftly to intercept them before the stranger could get Adam out of sight, and managed to block the exit just as they reached it. The stranger blinked in surprise, eyeing the much larger man uneasily, glancing between him and Adam.

“Can I help you with something?” he asked haughtily, eyebrows raised in challenge.

“Yeah. You can let me take it from here and make sure my friend gets safely to his room,” Michael replied, a cold, knowing smirk on his lips as he continued in a deceptively soft, measured tone. “I know you’re just trying to help, but really… I can take it from here.”

“He’s just had a little too much to drink, that’s all,” the guy insisted, but there was a nervous tremor in his voice, and his face flushed as he glanced around the room to see if anyone else had noticed the confrontation. “I was just gonna help him get upstairs…”

“And into your room… and undressed…” Michael nodded slowly, any pretense of pleasantry fading as his expression darkened with disgust. “Trust me, man… I know _exactly _what you were _just gonna_ do.” He stepped pointedly, intimidatingly closer to the shorter man as he added with slow, measured words, “I think you probably know who it is that you’re so intent on ‘helping’, right? So I don’t have to tell you that if I wanted to, I could make sure your name and face were plastered all over the morning news tomorrow – and before all’s said and done, you’ll be labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life. I don’t think you want that to happen, do you?”

The young man’s face went pale, and he swallowed hard. “Look, man, I wasn’t… I mean… I don’t want any…”

Michael just moved in closer, shouldering the smaller man out of the way and taking Adam’s weight onto himself instead. “Get out of my sight, you sick little prick,” Michael muttered – and the would-be rapist swiftly took advantage of the offer that Michael was pretty sure was far too good for him.

_Shoulda called the cops on his ass… made sure he_ does _get that sex offender label before he can mess with anyone else…_

Michael glanced at Adam, a worried frown creasing his brow as he realized that Adam was unaware of the entire exchange that had just taken place.

_… but that should be Adam’s choice. I wouldn’t want to put him through the public embarrassment and hassle of a trial over something that didn’t even happen… didn’t get a_ chance _to happen…_

As he steadied Adam’s arm across his own shoulders, Adam stirred, raising his head with an effort and blinking sleepily at Michael in obvious confusion. He struggled over the words, his voice slurred and heavy.

“Y-you’re… not my… friend…”

Michael’s mouth went dry, and he stared at Adam with hurt, momentarily forgetting the fact that almost the exact same thought had crossed his mind not an hour earlier. Then, Adam turned his head, attempting to scan the room with heavy-lidded eyes before looking back at Michael, his eyes bleary and unfocused.

“Where did my… friend go?” he mumbled before allowing his face to fall forward against Michael’s chest.

Michael relaxed a little as he understood what Adam had meant by his words. “Trust me, buddy,” he muttered grimly, shaking his head. “That dude was _not_ your friend.”

“Okay,” Adam whispered, frowning as he lifted his head a little, then put it back down, apparently finding it too much effort. “My head hurts,” he whimpered. “I think somethin’s… I think I’m… sick…”

“You’re gonna be just fine, Adam,” Michael assured him, his voice gentler, his arm tightening around Adam’s waist in response to his unusually vulnerable state. “Don’t you worry, I’m gonna get you right upstairs to bed, okay? Does that sound good?”

“Yeah,” Adam slurred, trying to nod again. “Let’s go to bed…”

Michael paused for a moment, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. “_You’re_ gonna go to bed,” he amended firmly, trying not to think about the warmth stirring low in his stomach at the feeling of Adam’s head resting trustingly against his chest, Adam’s trembling fingers weakly wrapped around his shoulder. He rolled his eyes in irritation at his own reaction, moving forward again as he muttered under his breath, “I don’t think _I’m_ gonna be sleeping for a good long while.”


	2. Chapter 2

Michael quickly looked around the bar for another exit, one that would prevent his having to drag Adam across the crowded lobby, which he was certain had at least a stray paparazzo or two, lingering just in case they should manage to catch a glimpse of one of the Idols. It was disturbingly ironic, he thought, that the one they were certainly most hoping to see was the very one that was currently drugged out of his mind and utterly dependent on Michael to get him safely to his room without exposing him to prying eyes – and cameras.

_And what a scandal this would be if it got out – Adam Lambert nearly date raped by some random hook-up in a hotel bar! _

Michael took another uneasy look at Adam’s slack expression, felt the warmth of Adam’s body, heavy and relaxed against his own, and sighed with resignation.

_Nope. Can’t let that happen to you, buddy. No matter how much of a jerk you’ve been to me tonight…_

Michael finally found a side exit from the bar that led into a dimly lit stairwell, and began the difficult trek up three flights of stairs to the floor where the Idols were staying. He held his breath, bracing himself for the reaction of their security team, should he be caught sneaking back onto the floor – but the stairwell ended at the end of the hall opposite the elevators, and out of sight of the posted security guards.

Thankfully, Michael’s room was only a couple of doors away, as he didn’t think he could have carried Adam much farther. Adam was semi-conscious, walking a little on his own, but barely supporting any of his own weight, and utterly unaware of his surroundings. It had taken Michael nearly half an hour just to negotiate the stairs. Michael glanced warily down the hall toward the elevators as he took his key card from his pocket and quickly scanned it. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief as the door opened, and then closed securely behind them.

Michael heaved his burden none too gently onto the bed in the center of the room, then stood there for a few moments, staring down at Adam and struggling to catch his breath. Irritation slowly crept over him at how blissfully unaware Adam was of what had nearly happened to him due to his own carelessness, and how much trouble Michael had gone to in order to protect both his physical safety and his reputation.

At some point between the hallway and the bed, Adam had gone from semi-conscious to softly snoring.

“Great,” Michael muttered with a heavy sigh, running one hand down over his face before shaking his head ruefully. “Now where am _I_ supposed to sleep?”

He stood there for a moment, considering, before a thought occurred to him.

_I could just go and stay in Adam’s room tonight. He’d be a little confused when he woke up in the morning, but_ safe, _anyway. If I can just find his key…_

Michael braced one knee on the mattress as he leaned over Adam, reaching under him and into the pockets of his jeans in search of the key – and coming up empty. He frowned, trying Adam’s jacket, though still with no success.

_So many damn pockets! Why can’t he just dress like a normal person instead of wearing pants that fit so tight I can barely get my hand in there, and so many layers and leather and… figures. Figures that if he was going to go down to the hotel bar and get so damn careless that he nearly ended up raped… he’d also forget the key to his room. _

_Unless he just wasn’t planning on coming back to his room tonight._

That thought was strangely unsettling, and Michael fought back the sick sensation in the pit of his stomach as he gave up the search and stood up straight again with a sigh.

_Guess I’ll just have to make do here, somehow. Sleep on the floor, or in a chair or something…_

Michael pulled the two chairs next to the small table together – then frowned at the pitifully short make-shift bed they made.

It wasn’t long enough to fit _half_ of his rather large, bulky frame.

_Floor it is, then. Except…_ Michael glared at the oblivious Adam. … _my unexpected guest is sleeping_ on top of _all the covers. Great. This night just keeps getting better and better._

Michael paced back and forth for a few moments, considering his rather limited options.

_Could just sleep on the floor without anything but the one pillow he’s not lying on… but that scenario doesn’t involve much actual_ sleep, _as far as I can imagine. Or I could just move him and get the covers out from under him. It’s not like it’s really going to disturb him, as out of it as he is right now…_

Michael cast a resentful glare in Adam’s direction.

_… and if it does, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it._

Michael pulled back the covers as far as he could, maneuvering Adam to the side in order to get them out from under him. Adam groaned softly in protest, shifting weakly on the bed, though his motions were slow and heavy, even for sleep. Michael felt a strange mixture of guilty sympathy and spiteful satisfaction.

_He can just deal with a little discomfort. If it wasn’t for his recklessness tonight, I wouldn’t be dealing with_ any _of this right now!_

Michael laid out the bedspread, folded over and over for extra padding, on the floor at the foot of the bed. He laid a pillow at one end, then arranged the thin blanket over the makeshift pallet, leaving Adam with only the sheet over him. Resigning himself to a rather uncomfortable night, Michael settled down to sleep on the floor – but found himself restless and uneasy in a way that had nothing to do with the hard, unyielding surface beneath him.

Adam’s drug-induced sleep was apparently troubled and restless as well, as he kept mumbling under his breath, letting out small, unhappy noises and shifting uneasily. Michael sat up with a sigh, watching Adam for a moment with grudging sympathy.

_He can’t possibly be able to sleep well like that – still fully dressed, boots and everything… Maybe I should help him get a little more comfortable…_

Michael got up and went to the bed, pulling the sheet back and rolling Adam over onto his side to pull off his stiff, bulky leather jacket. The thin black t-shirt he wore underneath it seemed soft and comfortable enough, so Michael moved to the foot of the bed to pull off Adam’s boots. Adam mumbled something incomprehensible in a questioning tone, but didn’t seem to be aware of where he was or what was going on as Michael cast the boots aside and gave him a critical look.

_God, those_ jeans. _Talk about painted on! He can barely move in them, no wonder he’s uncomfortable…_

Michael went to his own suitcase and retrieved a pair of soft, well-worn sweat pants. He knew they would be a little big on Adam, but they had a drawstring waist, and he was pretty sure they’d be better to sleep in than the obscenely tight jeans Adam was currently wearing. Michael couldn’t imagine _sleeping_ in those jeans, so he figured Adam wouldn’t mind.

He unbuckled Adam’s belt and cast it aside. Unfastening the jeans was a bit of a struggle, as Adam kept stirring restlessly away from his hands, but Michael finally managed to unbutton them and, with an effort, peel them down Adam’s thighs and finally off completely.

He felt his face flush with a strange sense of embarrassment, although he knew Adam didn’t know how exposed he was at the moment, and did his best not to look as he slid the sweatpants up Adam’s legs, lifting his hips one at a time with one hand in order to get them up over his butt. Michael’s mouth was dry and his palms damp, his heart racing inexplicably, when he finally finished his task and covered Adam with the sheet again, feeling strangely… _relieved_.

But his relief was short-lived as he lay down again on his pallet.

Despite his best efforts to stop thinking and just sleep, Michael couldn’t shake the images he’d tried so hard to avoid seeing – images of pale, freckled skin exposed as he’d pulled back the dark denim that had covered Adam’s legs. Somehow, Michael’s thoughts kept returning to the way Adam had looked as he’d undressed him – helpless and vulnerable, strangely innocent, in his rumpled t-shirt and soft, loose but clinging sweatpants, his hair disheveled, and not in the artful way it usually was.

Michael felt a strange stirring of want, a pang of something he couldn’t quite name – or maybe just didn’t want to – and pushed it swiftly down, trying to close his mind to the whispered wanting building there. He tossed and turned on the floor, bothered more by his own thoughts than by the discomfort of the hard floor beneath him.

He opened his eyes when he heard Adam whimper quietly, and felt a softening of sympathy when he saw that Adam was shivering slightly beneath the thin sheet that covered him.

_Great job, Mike. Got him out of all those layers, but then took all the covers. No wonder he’s freezing._

Michael thought that he should probably get up and give Adam the blanket from the bed – but then he would either have nothing to cover up with, or have to sleep on the bare floor.

_This is ridiculous,_ he finally decided. _It’s my room. My_ bed. _He’s not just asleep; he’s practically unconscious – and it’s a pretty big bed. There’s no reason in the world why I should have to sleep on the floor like this. There’s plenty of room for both of us, without either of us having to so much as _touch_. It’s just a few hours. He’s miserable up there with no blankets, and there’s no way _I’m_ getting to sleep like _this, _either._

_Nothing wrong with just sharing the bed… just for one night…_

Michael laid the blanket and bedspread out on top of the sheet, then climbed under the covers, settling into the comforting softness of the bed and closing his eyes to sleep with considerable relief.

_Finally…_

He opened his eyes again a moment later, however, when Adam stirred, rolling over on the bed and dragging half the covers with him, but in such a way that they were mostly trapped beneath him, though only covering him to the waist. Michael sighed in exasperation, tugging slightly on the blankets, with no success. He lay there for a few moments, hoping that Adam would move again and he’d be able to pull the blankets back – but Adam finally seemed to be comfortable.

Michael found himself staring without meaning to, strangely mesmerized by the slow, steady rise and fall of Adam’s ribs as his breathing evened out and he settled deeper into sleep. The black t-shirt Adam wore had ridden up a bit in his sleep, exposing a patch of creamy, freckled skin between its hem and the low-slung waist of Michael’s too-big sweatpants. Michael thought that Adam’s skin looked incredibly soft and smooth for a guy, and without realizing he was doing it, reached out a slow, cautious hand to ghost over the exposed patch – close enough to feel the faint heat radiating from Adam’s body, without quite touching.

And then, Michael _was_ touching, tracing his fingertips across Adam’s skin from one freckle to the next.

He barely had time to think that Adam’s skin was every bit as silky smooth as it had looked, when Adam shivered, pulling away a little – and Michael jerked his hand back as if he’d been burned, feeling his face flush with guilt and shame.

He rolled over on his side, facing away from Adam, his mind racing with a tumult of confused, frustrated thoughts. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so fascinated with everything about Adam – why he couldn’t seem to see anything in his mind but the tiny intimate details of Adam that he’d never had the chance to notice before this strange, disturbing night. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know why he was feeling these things he’d never felt before. He was confused and guilty and frustrated – and a little angry with Adam.

_If he hadn’t felt the need to act like such a bitch tonight… hadn’t thought he had to prove something just because Kris was spending the night with his wife… then none of this would have happened. He would have had his guard up, wouldn’t have let that guy drug him, and I wouldn’t have had to protect him, and I wouldn’t be lying here right now in this weird, freaky, unbearably awkward situation… thinking these things I don’t want to think…_

_… wanting things I shouldn’t want…_

There were a lot of things Michael wanted in that moment that he’d never wanted before. He wanted to roll back over and touch the warm softness of Adam’s bare skin again, to allow his hand to trail up under the soft fabric that covered him, and explore further. He wanted to flee from the room and avoid the dark temptations that filled his thoughts. He wanted to shake Adam awake, to hit him, to yell at him in anger and frustration for being so stupid and reckless and placing Michael in this position right now…

But Michael did none of those things.

He pressed the feelings down as best he could, focusing only on the hollow, trembling feeling in the pit of his stomach, and trying to shut out his troubled thoughts, until finally, nearly an hour later, he drifted off into a restless sleep filled with vivid, disturbing dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Adam was aware of as he drifted back toward consciousness was the dull, throbbing ache in the front of his skull. His mouth was dry and filled with a bitter, acrid taste. He tried to sit up, wanting to make his way to the bathroom and rinse his mouth, but found with alarm that something heavy was draped across his shoulders, pinning him down to the bed…

_Wait…_ whose _bed?_

Adam’s eyes shot open and he tried again to sit up, struggling to throw off the thing holding him down, turning over onto his back to find that it was someone’s arm.

_Whose? Where am I? What happened last night? And…_ who_… ?_

Adam scrambled out from under the arm restraining him, sitting up against the headboard and staring wide-eyed at the slack, sleeping face on the pillow beside him with mounting horror. That face was disconcertingly familiar.

_Michael?_ _Oh,_ hell, _no!_

Adam’s mind raced as he tried to remember how he had come to be in this very unsettling position, in bed with a man he barely spoke to under the best of circumstances. He remembered bits and pieces of the night before, but his memories were jumbled and fuzzy, and he couldn’t make sense of them.

_I went down to the bar with the others, and… and Michael was… talking to me, but… but I blew him off, and… and I don’t remember… what happened next._ Adam shook his head, trying to clear it, then pressed his forefinger and thumb against his forehead, struggling to remember. _Seems like he was being… pushy, and… and kinda annoying, but… but I didn’t think he’d… why can’t I _remember_? I_ never _feel like this after just a few drinks!_

Adam’s stomach lurched and he lifted his head, staring at the wall through shocked, stricken eyes as a horrible thought occurred to him.

_Unless… it _wasn’t_ just a few drinks. Unless… someone drugged me…_ He turned his horrified gaze on Michael, still asleep beside him but stirring slightly. _Surely he wouldn’t…_

Adam edged his legs over the side of the bed, out from under Michael’s arm, and hurried to his feet, his mind racing with random, mixed up images from the night before.

_I remember… I felt really weird… dizzy and out of it… and then… Michael… had his arms around me and… he said… something about… helping me get to bed…_

Adam felt sick as he glanced down and saw that he was not wearing his own clothes anymore, but an unfamiliar pair of sweat pants that was far too big for him.

_Michael’s? Why am I wearing Michael’s clothes? _

_What did he _do _to me?_

He quickly paced the room on trembling legs, looking for his own jeans and jacket. He found them neatly laid across the back of a chair, and hurried to put them on, though he was shaking so hard that his efforts took twice as long as they should have. He took off the baggy sweatpants and picked up his jeans, starting to put them on.

Before he was finished, Michael had awakened.

“Hey, man,” he greeted Adam in a hoarse, sleepy voice as he sat up on the edge of the bed. He frowned as he took in Adam’s hurried, trembling motions. “What’s wrong?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Adam snapped back at him, tugging his pants up his legs, cursing under his breath when he found it far more difficult than usual. “Why don’t you tell me why I’m waking up _in your bed_, dressed in your clothes?”

“Adam…” Michael’s voice was low and soothing as he rose from the bed, coming around it and drawing cautiously nearer to Adam. “No… wait a minute…”

“Stay away!” Adam demanded, unable to keep the alarm from his voice as he jerked his jeans up the rest of the way and fastened them with shaky, uncoordinated fingers. “Don’t you fuckin’ _touch_ me!”

“Adam, calm down and listen to me,” Michael persisted, his voice taking on a note of impatient frustration as he ignored Adam’s fearful command and continued to close the distance between them. “Just let me explain…”

“You don’t have to explain!” Adam’s voice was trembling dangerously as he took a backward step, flinching when it brought his back up against the wall. “I _remember_!” Bits and pieces floated through his mind, but it was enough to put together a pretty convincing picture of what must have happened the night before. “You… bringing me up here to your room… putting me on your bed…” Adam suppressed a shudder, closing his eyes for a moment and shaking his head before glaring at Michael in defiant accusation. “… taking my clothes off. Michael, what the _fuck_? Why would you do this to me?”

“I didn’t do anything to you, Adam, I _helped _you!” Michael insisted, his voice raised in anger.

“Helped me?” Adam echoed, incredulous. “By drugging me and… and… _raping_ me?”

“Nobody _raped_ anybody, Adam! Would you just shut up and _listen_ for a second…?”

“Then why am I in your clothes? Why am I even here? What did you _drug_ me with, Michael?” Adam demanded, following his words without hesitation as Michael took another step toward him. “And don’t you come any closer to me, you sick bastard! _Get away_ from me!”

“You’re crazy!” Michael declared in outrage, throwing up his hands in defeat and pacing the floor a few yards away from Adam. “I helped you get away from the other guy, and you’re gonna say _I_ raped you? I _kept_ you from _getting_ raped!”

Adam shook his head slowly. “I don’t remember another guy.” He thought back to the night before, a clear memory piercing through the fog – a memory of himself lying on Michael’s bed, while Michael bent over him… trying to pull away as Michael removed his clothing, but unable to find the strength to move. He swallowed hard, his voice low and bitter with resentment and accusation.

“I _do_ remember… _you_.”

The brief flash of guilt that crossed Michael’s face before he squared his jaw and shook his head belied his words. “No. I didn’t hurt you, Adam.”

“Oh, God.” Adam suddenly felt breathless, his head reeling with the certainty that his suspicions were all true. Michael’s guilt was all too easy to read in his expression. “What did you _do_ to me?”

“Adam… you really need to calm down,” Michael insisted, slowly moving in closer. “I didn’t do anything to you…”

As Michael drew close enough to touch, Adam’s heart raced with fear, uncertain as to what Michael intended. If he would go so far as to drug him and assault him, Adam had no idea how far Michael might go to keep his actions a secret. Michael reached out a cautious hand toward Adam’s arm – but Adam had no intention of allowing the larger, stronger man to get his hands on him.

He lashed out in a vicious kick to Michael’s shin that had Michael doubling over to clutch the injured spot with a startled yelp of pain. Adam swiftly moved past Michael toward the door, but before he could reach it, Michael had righted himself and come after him, grabbing his arm and swinging him back against the wall, though closer to the door this time. Adam struggled to break Michael’s grip on his arm, but Michael just grabbed his other arm as well, moving in too close to allow Adam to escape.

“Get off me!” Adam demanded, panicked, struggling. “_Somebody help me_!”

Michael let go of one of Adam’s arms to place his hand over his mouth, pushing his head back against the wall. Adam stared at him through wide, fearful eyes. He fought desperately to escape Michael’s grip on his arm and his mouth, but panic made his efforts ineffective.

“Adam, stop it for a second. I need you to listen to me…”

Adam jerked his mouth away from Michael’s hand just enough to give him room to bite down hard on the side of Michael’s hand. Michael let out an indignant cry, shaking his hand slightly in pain as Adam tried to free his arm from Michael’s iron grasp.

“Let go of me! Somebody stop him! Help…!”

The rest of Adam’s words were cut off abruptly by a harsh, backhand slap across his face that knocked his head sharply against the wall. Michael’s hand – bleeding slightly where Adam had bitten him – roughly gripped Adam’s chin and forced his head back, holding him in place. Adam could feel that his hand was trembling, could see the mad light of pain-fueled fury in Michael’s eyes as he snarled at him words that he might have thought before, but had never gone so far as to voice.

“_Shut up and listen to me, you stupid little queer_!”

Adam froze, his heart racing, his stomach roiling with fear. His entire body was trembling violently, but he stopped struggling, as his efforts seemed to be accomplishing nothing but to make Michael more dangerous.

“Okay.” Michael’s voice shook as he struggled to bring it – and the situation – back under control. “Just… listen for a minute, all right? You were at the bar, talking to some stranger. You had a few, and I’m pretty sure he drugged one of ‘em, because next thing I know, he’s leading you out the door and you’re barely conscious. I stopped him, sent him running, and brought you up here, because your room is too close to the security guys and I didn’t want us to get caught sneaking out. I tried to go sleep in your room, but you forgot your key. I changed your clothes so you’d be more comfortable, and then got in the bed. To _sleep_. That’s all that happened, Adam. All right? That’s _all_ that happened.”

Adam’s mouth was dry, and he couldn’t really focus on what Michael was saying to him through the sense of overwhelming panic at his own helplessness, trapped between the wall and Michael’s imposing frame, pinned to the wall by Michael’s strong hands. He nodded automatically, willing to go along with any story in order to get out of this situation.

“Okay,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “I’ll say whatever you want, Michael. I’ll… tell the others whatever story you want, just… just take your hands off me and… let me go. I… I just… don’t want you to touch me anymore…”

Michael let out a frustrated sound that was almost a growl, and Adam tensed as he felt Michael’s hands tighten on him automatically. “I didn’t touch you to _begin_ with!” Michael nearly shouted.

“Okay…” Adam repeated, nodding, holding his hands up in front of him in a placating gesture. “Okay… whatever you say…”

“Come on, Adam!” Michael sneered, releasing him with a disgusted little shove. “Don’t you think you could tell? Don’t you think if I’d actually fucked you, you’d be feeling it right now?”

Adam should have known better, really.

Given the situation he was in, and the danger he felt to be so imminent, he should have kept his mouth shut and continued doing what he could to calm Michael until he could get out of the room. But then, filtering the words that came out of his mouth had never been a natural skill of Adam’s. His anger and shame and fear came bubbling to the surface, and before he could think to stop himself, he’d let out two resentful, taunting words that he would regret for the rest of his life, accompanied by a derisive up and down look that took in Michael’s entire body.

“Not necessarily.”

Michael had half turned away to pick up his own pants and put them on, but now he froze. Adam could see that he was trembling with rage, momentarily attempting to keep his anger under control – before turning slowly to face Adam with a vicious, malicious smile on his lips that didn’t touch his eyes.

“Oh, you think so?” he retorted in a low, dangerous tone, moving toward Adam again. “You think you wouldn’t know if I’d fucked you? You think you couldn’t tell?” Adam tensed as Michael swiftly closed the distance between them, grabbing him by the arms, shaking him slightly before slamming him into the wall and leaning in to snarl menacingly in his face, “Well how ‘bout I just _prove_ it to you, then?”


	4. Chapter 4

The force of the blow as Michael slammed him into the wall drove the breath from Adam’s lungs, and it took a moment for the implications of Michael’s words to sink in – but when they did, Adam felt a sick, cold sensation trickling down his spine. He tried to pull free of Michael’s grasp, but Michael was much larger and stronger than him – and at the moment, seemed to be utterly enraged.

Adam couldn’t move.

“I’m sorry,” Adam whispered, breathless, shaking his head pleadingly. “Michael… I didn’t mean it like that, I just… please…”

“No, that’s _exactly_ how you meant it, you arrogant, cock-sucking piece of shit!” Michael snarled, shaking Adam and shoving him against the wall again. “You think you’re so much better than everybody, don’t you? Or maybe just better than _me_ – because they’re all here just to see you, aren’t they? And I’m just your opening act! It’s all about you, right? So who cares if you get stupid and careless and put everybody else out trying to save _your_ ass, right? Who gives a damn?”

Adam was dizzy with pain and panic, his mind still a little hazy from whatever drugs he’d been slipped the night before, and he couldn’t make sense of Michael’s words. He wasn’t really sure why Michael was so enraged over a little comment like the one he’d just made – unless he really _hadn’t_ been the one to drug Adam, and part of his fury was due to those accusations – but one thing was clear even through his confusion.

It was possible that Michael was telling the truth, and nothing had actually happened, yet; but if Adam couldn’t talk Michael down in the next few moments, something terrible was about to happen – something neither of them would ever be able to get past.

“Michael, I didn’t mean it. Please, just… just calm down, I… I believe you, okay? I believe you…”

“Oh, _now_ you believe me, right?” Michael sneered, his mouth twisted in vindictive fury before he drew back his fist and slammed it into Adam’s face in a dizzying blow. “Now that there’s something in it for _you_. My word – that didn’t mean anything, did it? My word, and all the trouble I went to trying to make sure nothing happened to you last night… the way you put me out because of your own reckless irresponsibility… and then you’re gonna try to blame it all on _me_? You’re gonna start yelling ‘rape’, saying that I brought you here to fuck you, when all I did was _save_ your ass?”

Michael shoved him hard again, and Adam flinched, raising his hands in front of him in a pleading, defensive gesture, before Michael grabbed his wrists again, holding them pinned together against his chest.

“Why’d I even bother, huh?” Michael’s voice trembled with disgust and anger. “Why didn’t I just let that dude do whatever the hell he wanted, if this is the thanks I get? You accuse me of being a rapist, and then insult my manhood on top of it? I don’t think so, Adam. I don’t _fuckin_’ think so!”

“I’m sorry,” Adam whispered, unable to bring himself to meet Michael’s mad, glittering gaze. “I’m sorry, man, I… I don’t know what I was thinking, I just… I shouldn’t have… jumped to conclusions…”

“Damn right, you shouldn’t have!” Michael snarled. “Is that what you really think of me, Adam? You really think I’m that kind of guy?”

Adam couldn’t find his voice, afraid that he was going to throw up if he tried to talk. He just shook his head desperately, pleadingly, trying to focus past the panic and confusion that clouded his thoughts. Michael was silent for a long moment, his large hand trembling where it held Adam’s wrists, restraining him, keeping him helpless. When at last he spoke, his voice was soft and uncertain, and his words sent a shiver of dread down Adam’s spine.

“Hell, maybe I am. Maybe I _am_ that guy.”

“N-no.” Adam’s mouth was dry, and his words felt thick and heavy, his stomach roiling as he shook his head emphatically. “No, you’re… you’re not. I was wrong. Michael, please… I’m sorry…”

“Why can’t you just _shut the hell up_!”

Michael nearly shouted the last words in Adam’s face, and Adam flinched, bracing himself for another blow -- but then, Michael suddenly released him, taking a step backward and covering his face with both hands, shaking his head in despair and confusion. Adam swallowed hard, his gaze darting toward the door – measuring the distance he would have to cover in order to escape out into the hall. And Michael seemed to be so unbalanced, so emotionally unstable at the moment, that Adam wasn’t even sure he would try to stop him if he made a run for it.

Finally, Adam decided that it was his best option. Michael was dangerously out of control, and if he stayed, there was no way of knowing what might happen.

He slipped past Michael and headed for the door – but before he could reach it, Michael grabbed his arm and slung him back into the room, toward the bed. Adam let out a startled cry of pain as his arm was viciously wrenched by the motion, but the cry was cut short when Michael shoved him hard, sending him stumbling backward until he fell onto his back on the bed.

Adam’s stomach lurched, and he immediately tried to sit up, but Michael was already on him, grabbing his throat and shoving him back down against the mattress. Adam struggled to free himself, grappling at Michael’s hand on his throat with one hand and trying to push Michael away with the other as Michael climbed onto the bed, straddling his waist and leaning down into his face. Adam’s heart sank when he realized that there was no way he could get enough leverage to push Michael off of him. He gasped for breath, trembling fingers clawing uselessly at the tight hand clenched around his throat.

“Is this what you think I did to you, Adam?” Michael leaned in close to hiss the words in Adam’s ear. “You think this is the kind of guy I am?”

Adam tried to shake his head, barely able to move against Michael’s grip, as his vision began to go grey around the edges. Panic drove him to continue to struggle when he felt Michael’s free hand fumbling at the zipper of his jeans, and he cursed the fact that he hadn’t had time to get the button fastened before everything had gone to shit.

“No!” Adam gasped, the word barely making a sound as he forced it past his lips. “_Don’t_! Stop, _please_!”

“Shut up,” Michael sneered as he cupped Adam’s groin under his jeans and squeezed viciously. Adam’s cry of agony was choked and soundless, as Michael’s hand was still gripping his throat. “I already fucked you, right? So what’s the difference if I do it again?”

Michael released Adam’s throat abruptly, and Adam’s hand flew up to clutch at the bruised, sore spot Michael’s hand left behind. “Please,” he rasped out, his voice hoarse and raw. “You… you don’t wanna do this! Please, stop, and think about what you’re _doing_!” he pleaded, frantic tears streaming from his eyes.

Michael ignored him, grabbing his arm and flipping him over onto his stomach, then jerking his jeans down around his thighs. Adam felt panic closing in as his legs were bound by his own clothes, and he struggled to push himself up on his arms – but Michael caught his wrists and yanked them behind his back, pinning them easily with one hand.

“Please stop!” Adam cried out, though there was little strength in his voice. “_Somebody please help me_!”

He tried to scream, but the sound that came out was weak and strangled – and Michael grabbed a fistful of his hair with his free hand and shoved his face forcefully down into the pillow. Adam struggled wildly for breath, panicked – until Michael leaned down over him, his voice low and cruelly sarcastic in his ear.

“Stop fighting it, Adam. You didn’t fight it before. You know – when I _raped_ you last night? Or don’t you remember that part, since you sure seem to remember everything _else_ so well?”

Adam couldn’t breathe, the weight of Michael’s body upon him driving the breath from his lungs, and the stifling pressure of the pillow against his face keeping him from drawing more. He went still, trembling but submissive, desperate just to _breathe_, and terrified that if he kept fighting, Michael would not stop until he was dead.

He was rewarded with the removal of the cruel, sharp pain at the back of his skull, as Michael let go of his hair and allowed him to raise his head and draw breath – but an instant later, that breath was stolen once more, this time by sharp, excruciating agony as Adam was penetrated without preparation or mercy.

Adam went very still, no longer bothering to fight, trembling but numb, as Michael ruthlessly violated him, thrusting hard in and out of his abused, exhausted body. Adam kept his eyes closed, but silent tears pressed past his eyelids as he struggled to keep his mind blank, to shut out the agonizing reality of what was happening to him. It seemed to go on forever, until at last, Michael shuddered and his muscular thighs clenched around Adam’s hips – and then, it was over.

He pulled out, shoving Adam away from him as he sat on the edge of the bed, his head resting in his folded hands.  Adam crawled away from him on trembling arms and legs that would barely support him, every movement emphasizing his violation with a fresh wave of sharp agony, until he was huddled against the headboard of the bed, as far as he could get from Michael. He stared down at the bloodied bedclothes beneath him, feeling an overwhelming wave of nausea come over him at the sight, and the knowledge that that blood had come from _him_.

“Why couldn’t you just let it go?” Michael groaned, shaking his head before raising it to look at Adam, anguish in his eyes. “You had to just keep… pushing, and _pushing_, until I just… God, Adam, I just _lost_ it, and… and… I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t mean to, Adam, you just… you wouldn’t let it go, and I just…”

Michael fell silent, still shaking his head, at a loss.

Adam had nothing to say. His face was streaked with blood and tears, his entire body trembling with shock and pain in the wake of a trauma that was too great for him to have fully processed yet.

“At least… now maybe you believe me.” Michael’s words came out in a hoarse, half-mad sob. “Now you know… I didn’t… I mean…” Michael let out an anguished moan of guilt. “I… I _hadn’t… God_…”

Adam stared at him, incredulous and disbelieving, for a long moment, before finally venturing to speak, the bitter words pouring forth from his lips unbidden, in a hoarse, harsh whisper that echoed too loudly in the unnatural stillness of the room.

“Yeah. You’ve proven your point. I was totally wrong to ever think that you were the kind of guy who would do something like… like…”

He struggled to say the word, but couldn’t make himself, because then it would be _real_, and he wasn’t ready to face the fact that this was more than a drug-induced nightmare. Adam’s emotions overwhelmed him, and he broke down, sobbing softly, his shoulders shaking as he covered his face with his hands.

Michael was still and silent on the edge of the bed, clearly stricken by Adam’s words. He turned slightly toward him, reaching out a shaking, tentative hand.

“Adam… God, I’m so…”

“_Don’t_.” Adam cut him off sharply, his voice wobbling, dangerously close to losing control. “Don’t you fucking _dare_.”

Michael was silent, apparently accepting what Adam hadn’t had to say: his words would be worse than useless. Any form of apology for what Michael had just done would be nothing short of an insult – to insinuate that mere words could atone for it, or undo the damage he had done. Adam stared down at Michael’s hand on the mattress, stopped halfway in some halted, insane attempt at comfort, before looking up to meet Michael’s eyes, his own glistening with tears and blazing with the defiant rage of a trapped and wounded animal.

“If you touch me I’ll kill you,” he declared softly.

There was no doubt as to how completely he meant those words, but it was a pitifully empty threat. They both knew that Adam was, at the moment, helpless – wounded. He had clearly been incapable of defending himself properly to begin with, and now, in his injured, broken state, was less able than ever. Still, Michael withdrew his hand across the mattress, looking away as he rose awkwardly to his feet and adjusted his clothes.

He didn’t say anything else. There was nothing to say.

Michael didn’t seem to care whether or not Adam reported the assault to anyone – but he probably knew that Adam wouldn’t. The shame and turmoil of a public trial – everyone in the world knowing what had happened – it would crush Adam’s self-esteem, and destroy his career before it had even begun. Adam had no intention of telling anyone about this – but Michael could not have _really_ known that, and still made no threats, no pleas, no attempts to force an oath of secrecy.

Although it was his room, Michael simply grabbed his wallet from the table and headed for the door – leaving Adam alone in the silence, with only his own tormented thoughts for company, to see if he was able to somehow gather the shattered pieces Michael had left of him and put himself back together.

Adam didn’t think he would ever be able to.

In the still, lonely emptiness of the room, Adam sank down onto the bed on his side, clutching the damaged sheets up around him like a pitiful shield, and allowed his tears to flow freely, soaking the pillow beneath him with his brokenness and despair.

He knew he would never be the same again.


End file.
